Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Ahhhh,a blog I am going to be consistent with,much as I can. I know its sounds a lol off,but blogging my words and thoughts and life happenimgsfrom past present and wants for my future all cing from a small town girl
Who's now adult single mom still in my town who's trying to make a somewhat good and exciting life for my girls and me. Younger years of mine were quite interesting,things done that ruined my esteem back then, but also had found thrills including good and the not so good that was occupying for me. I have been thinking for a good 2 years now about possibly even writing a book;Confessions of a Small Town Girl.(And still adding to a surprising drama filled life of mine. I guarantee,past happenings and the people who come and go and the really great couple of gems I consider real friends,all of the stories and shiz myself and others I will be writing in the future book will blow many many minds,being it from a small town. I do understand the terrible ways some are brought up from the streets and hoods,or ones with parents who had own issues and had to grow up  unfairly and sucky. Those kinds of stories are what we most hear about when listening to hard knocks in life from others,but not many stories and/or hard knocks of small town kids are ever talked much about or many want true live situations just put into back of our minds,scared of judgment or thought of as different and/or as lower class,which so many people can be like in smaller towns or small city has always had majority of older proper folks,and starter families who try proving to be a sweet all American family. But as I will start to blog more of my own personal journey growing up and as it is as today how staying here as a single mom of 2 girls with 2 different fathers and bullshit I take from the princes who became the frog,damn it. Both dads involved but alot of around their schedules and one who has been in and out of jail but has reached Prison status recently and for the 13 years I have had the past raising our daughter and her believing dadas at work,making him sound decent guy which he honestly is besides lack of control with growing into someone who isn't 16 year mindset. Other dad,younger daughters father was about new excitement and I unfortunately was that for a year n half. This guy has showed same pattern with women after breaking my heart for my first adult time,but I didn't realize all that until recent past. That dad is a total other story,along with a guy in my past I was on and off with for 3 years til I met last dad of my child and this guy oh,did actually realize he wanted more. When my girl was just an infant this father of hers took off and I started to see my old hook up again,this time him in love w me buty heart was broken and still belonged toy baby's father. New Years of 2007,my old flame stopped at my house and baby's father was there with me. 4am in morning old flame stopped over and knocked til father of child went to answer it,unexpecting to see baby's dad staying night, old flame grabbed daddy in doorway and both rolled down cement steps I reached them outside rolling around on each other. Old flame didn't like how baby daddy was with me.daddy was just cranky,childhood issues that never were at all addressed and not dealing a healthy way from his own past. But that's me, I want to fix everybody,though I have much work for myself to be able to be a better mom,daughter and person. I do love who I am inside and proud I try to keep my self and emotions in check.but I am han only and have my moments in past where I needed to check myself and ended up worse off I believe cuz I let certain people get to me. Ok here,this blog is probably a bit over the place,but having ADD my whole life has always made it hard for me in certain things plus many other ways it affected and still does today to have to deal with. Work and organization always an adult issue I still have to work at. SOOO many things I can go on about but majority of the juicy and wow that I wrote is going to end up on the book I really hope to accomplish and published. Not looking as a best seller but stories and hard to grasp things I put in chapters might just make it a hard to put down reading material. Alot of readers who would read my publishment will find themselves feeling shock,and emotional to how cruel some are to others and myself,and times which u will burst out laughing ,and many other emotions people wouldn't really expect to feel from a book bout a small town  girl who's never quite for in,even in my all American family which I am so greatful now I had growing up. But even when u grow up with parents who did Ll the chores and always made sure I had what I needed,but not alot of impractical things I always wanted. My dad is super smart guy in life and finances and myom very organized and known as upstanding people involved with city things and always very proper and never much found in any conflicts.I ended up learning to let people take advantage of me and my caringness.even though some may  grow up seemingly perfect,conceqiences unfortunately arise that were unimtentional